Pork on the First Date

Last week my friends set me up on a blind date, they promised she was a beautiful and intelligent gal. After much convincing and elaborate descriptions I finally relented and agreed to make the date. I called her up via the # given to me, and had a quick awkward conversation with a lady who we shall call Jane. Jane, sounded pleasant on the phone and seemed to be as just nervous as me about the prospect of a blind date. Also, unfortunately, I was strapped for funds and couldn’t afford to take her out, so I suggested that I cook us a nice meal. She offered to bring a bottle of wine for our enjoyment.
After scavenging in my fridge, all I could pull together were a pack of pork chops, some potatoes and broccoli. So I spent the 30 mins before she was to arrive preparing dinner, thinking rather highly of my domestic skills. Jane arrived, in person she was as beautiful as was described. I was pleased. Now, the door to my apartment enters directly into my kitchen, so of course the first question out of her mouth was, “what’s cooking?”
“I’m making pork chops, smashed potatoes, and broccoli.” I replied with a prideful grin.
She gave me a funny look and seemed disappointed. Then said, “I don’t eat pork chops.”
“Why? Don’t you like pork?”
“No, I don’t eat it because of my religion.”
“Ooooh… Sorry, I didn’t realize!” I said franticly trying to figure out how to stave off disaster.
Jane cocked her head and gave me a funny look saying, “You shouldn’t eat pork either.”
Rather surprised at her statement I replied, “But I don’t believe in what you believe in.”
Then to my shock and awe she said something I have never actually heard other than in jest.
“That’s because you’re a heathen.”
A heathen! She actually called me "a heathen!" I could not believe it. Folks, I am not a fan of organized religion. I am tolerant of it as long as you aren’t shoving it down my throat, but I don’t subscribe to any brand of it. So in complete shock my automatic response was, “Well you’re an ignorant bitch.”
To which Jane turned and left the apartment. Luckily she left the bottle of wine behind, because I really needed a drink after that encounter. She also had good taste in wine and my pork chops were amazing.

All in all it was about a 3 min date that ended with us exchanging verbal blows. I will just have to always remember, never cook pork on a blind date!